A few weeks ago I sighed heavily and exclaimed, "Being a mom makes everything worse!" My husband nervously laughed and asked me what I meant. I then realized I had done it again, I assumed my husband could read my mind and knew what I was thinking about, I've been doing that a lot lately. I also realized how awful that must have sounded without the context so I quickly explained; Being a Mom makes every fear, rational or not, 10 times worse!
What if the small heater we use to warm the upstairs catches on fire?
What if the heater in Des' room catches on fire and ignites his crib and I can't get to him in time?
What if a robber/murderer gets into our house?
What if a robber/murderer/kidnapper gets in the house and goes into Desmond's room before I hear anything?
What if our car flies off a bridge and plunges into deep water?
If that happened how would we get Desmond out in time? Would his car seat fit through a window? Could he survive the swim?
Car accident?
Can a baby survive a car flipping?
So as you can tell I have a lot of things running through my mind at night. Should I go turn the heater off so he's safer? Are the windows and doors all locked? Do I avoid all bridges until he's out of a car seat and can swim? It's exhausting thinking about these things. I've always been an excessive worrier, my imagination probably being my own worst enemy, but ultimately I could convince myself to just get over it and if that didn't work lock our bedroom door and have a fire extinguisher close by. But now I have this little baby that relies on me for everything and needs my protection. I don't want to be the reason something happens to him. But can I think of everything and be prepared for anything? I mean I am wonder woman and all (Just Kidding!) but in all seriousness no I can't be ready for anything and everything.
Yesterday I was skimming my Facebook news feed and I can't remember who posted it but I caught a glimpse of John 14:1 which says, "Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in Me (Jesus.)"
I liked what the verse was saying but I didn't really dwell on it until last night when I worried for the umpteenth time that the heater may burst into flames even though it automatically shuts off when it gets to a certain temperature. It was so comforting to realize that it's not all up to me to protect this little guy. God is there as well. I laid out all my fears to Him and begged Him to protect my sweet baby as we slept and to wake me if anything was amiss. I also asked Him to tame my fearful heart and draw me closer to Him because really my lack of trust is more of an issue than any of my fears. God has a plan and a purpose. I need to trust that He knows what He's doing no matter what happens. It's hard, especially now, but thankfully I'm not alone in growing in trust and understanding. I am so thankful not to be going this alone! How do people do it without our Savior? Statistics that work in your favor and logic really only go so far to ease your worries! Trust me I know. Only God can offer lasting comfort no matter what the fear or situation is. For this I am thankful! Amen!
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