New Years Resolutions

  I guess in the past I have been a victim of setting ones self up for disaster by coming up with all sorts of plans for the new year. I'm not sure what it is about a "new start" that gets us all ready for trying new things or bettering ourselves but I love the feeling and idea of it...in the beginning. Usually by January 2nd I'm rethinking or rationalizing why I can cheat on my plans or get rid of certain goals all together.
  So this year I have decided I wont make any goals. Sounds rather lazy doesn't it? When you put it that way at least. However I have made one promise to myself this year. One word to live by for the next twelve months. The next 365 days.

Calm

  I've heard of the idea to focus on a word through out the year and always thought it was rather stupid. Did people think this one word would become magic and suddenly make everything work? But then I got to thinking about how often my goals fail and how I need to just focus and pray about one thing instead of trying to do too much (because lets be honest, that is one of the main reasons resolutions fail.)

   So why calm? I thought long and hard (ok a few hours after a melt down) and toyed with a few ideas. I considered; prioritize, intentional, focus and a few others. Each time I thought of a word I thought of all the things I needed to do and why that word worked. I need to do better at keeping up with laundry and taking care of my family while understanding that God is my priority. I need to be intentional about getting things done and loving others. DO, DO, DO! After a while I thought Do should just be my word. None of these things are bad! Especially because they really all seemed to focus on getting my priorities right. However, it was stressing me out just thinking about it all and I found myself secretly making more resolutions and impossible goals. The list maker in me loves the idea of prioritizing each day or being intentional and focusing on my tasks.

  

   But you know what word actually covers all of the above? Calm. I need to just calm myself down. Yes I have things I need to do. Yes I have priorities. But over and over again I feel myself being called to just chill out.

   Be Calm with people, don't let them get to you so easily. Love them. (Be intentional)

   Be Calm with your schedule, a few moments of play time with your baby is so much more important! (Priorities)

   Be Calm with all the chores, if it doesn't get done there's always tomorrow (and if there isn't a tomorrow than who the heck is going to care that you didn't get the laundry done?) (Right focus)

   Be Calm and talk with God. (Priorities, intentional, focus)

   Be Calm and read His word. (Ditto)

  Just be Calm....

  Ya I'm going to blow this many times. And yes it technically is a goal. But hey one goal (which spiderwebs into many) isn't so bad. Trust me, after everything this past year I need to just chill out. And I truly feel like God is saying, "Abbey, stop being so high strung and crazy! Just calm down and trust me." 

   Be Calm.

Lets be real for a moment

   Alright Mama's, wives, and homemakers, lets be real for a moment. We all do it whether we mean to or not--we gloss over the dirty parts of life and focus on the good when we're talking with friends or posting pictures on Facebook or Instagram. I wouldn't say we're always bragging. Sometimes we just don't want to come across as negative or ungrateful for what we have. But seriously lets show off the hard parts sometimes if for no other reason than to say to the next mom, "It's ok, my house is a mess too and my baby refuses to let me put him down for more than a few minutes at a time...you're not alone!" So I'll go first. Here's my house today...and this is after some picking up. Some days are good and others are just busy!

I spend hours on this couch each day feeding or consoling Des so it's covered in things I need, again this is "picked up"

       

This picture doesn't show the dirt and grime but the bathroom has become a disaster!

   Tupperwear I've been meaning to return for a month... and red candle wax on the wall. Don't ask.

 Things I keep meaning to put away and a book I've been meaning to read.

 Aw.. and now for the real mess, our bedroom!
 Half made bed, clothes everywhere and every surface covered in dust and random objects.

Piles of laundry everywhere just waiting to be put away.

   Trust me this is not even the tip of the iceberg some days. I had company today so I straightened up the downstairs a bit. Often times the stairs are covered in things I need to put away and dishes take up most of the counter. Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest usually make us feel rotten about how we don't "measure up" to others. But trust me, behind the smiling baby there is a pile of laundry screaming to be done and behind the delicious looking dinner there is a fussy baby that refuses to lay down (and more laundry.) The work is never done, and that's ok :) That's life.

Being A Mama Makes Everything Worse...

   A few weeks ago I sighed heavily and exclaimed, "Being a mom makes everything worse!"  My husband nervously laughed and asked me what I meant. I then realized I had done it again, I assumed my husband could read my mind and knew what I was thinking about, I've been doing that a lot lately. I also realized how awful that must have sounded without the context so I quickly explained; Being a Mom makes every fear, rational or not, 10 times worse!
 
   What if the small heater we use to warm the upstairs catches on fire?
          What if the heater in Des' room catches on fire and ignites his crib and I can't get to him in time?
 
   What if a robber/murderer gets into our house?
           What if a robber/murderer/kidnapper gets in the house and goes into Desmond's room before I hear                  anything?
 
   What if our car flies off a bridge and plunges into deep water?
           If that happened how would we get Desmond out in time? Would his car seat fit through a window?              Could he survive the swim?

   Car accident?
            Can a baby survive a car flipping?

  So as you can tell I have a lot of things running through my mind at night. Should I go turn the heater off so he's safer? Are the windows and doors all locked? Do I avoid all bridges until he's out of a car seat and can swim? It's exhausting thinking about these things. I've always been an excessive worrier, my imagination probably being my own worst enemy, but ultimately I could convince myself to just get over it and if that didn't work lock our bedroom door and have a fire extinguisher close by. But now I have this little baby that relies on me for everything and needs my protection.  I don't want to be the reason something happens to him. But can I think of everything and be prepared for anything? I mean I am wonder woman and all (Just Kidding!) but in all seriousness no I can't be ready for anything and everything.
   Yesterday I was skimming my Facebook news feed and I can't remember who posted it but I caught a glimpse of John 14:1 which says, "Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in Me (Jesus.)"
   I liked what the verse was saying but I didn't really dwell on it until last night when I worried for the umpteenth time that the heater may burst into flames even though it automatically shuts off when it gets to a certain temperature. It was so comforting to realize that it's not all up to me to protect this little guy. God is there as well. I laid out all my fears to Him and begged Him to protect my sweet baby as we slept and to wake me if anything was amiss. I also asked Him to tame my fearful heart and draw me closer to Him because really my lack of trust is more of an issue than any of my fears. God has a plan and a purpose. I need to trust that He knows what He's doing no matter what happens. It's hard, especially now, but thankfully I'm not alone in growing in trust and understanding. I am so thankful not to be going this alone! How do people do it without our Savior? Statistics that work in your favor and logic really only go so far to ease your worries! Trust me I know. Only God can offer lasting comfort no matter what the fear or situation is. For this I am thankful! Amen!